Stories Of Reality

2010-01-22T15:55:00.002+08:00

God give me the strength to pull thru as i'm living thru the darkess moment in my life nw... know that u're sumwhere out there and will be able to listen tomy pleas..... I'm too tired to continue.... Jz too tired.... Take me if u hv to....

2010-01-04T17:15:00.002+08:00

Hola!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm what shall i say this tym round? Feeling very depress at the moment.... My mind, my body is gonna shut down any moment from now. I cld not take take the beating any longer. Everything has collaspe and tumble down.... The only way i cld express my feeling is tru writing and that is what i'm doing nw....

I've tried means and ways to change everything ard but tym and again all i get is disappointment. Why is fate is so cruel to me... Why why why why why why why why why why???????????????????? How is i wish that i do not even exist in this world at all so i wun be a pest or hassle anyone...... I'm on my knees nw begging for mercy. I've got to fight for everything even for a little attention... Why does it hv to be this way???????

I'm always the last and i will still be the last cz i'm not important to anyone anymore any longer. I'm just a backbone for someone to lean on or for someone to look for when they are lonely....
I'm out of words nw so i'll jz remain silence for nw..........

Happy 24th Birthday

2009-12-27T09:27:00.002+08:00

"Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me....... happy birthday to me"
Well it's the 27 of december once again and i'm older by a year.... Hmmmm time flies very fast without me realizing, i'm still alive tii this date. Well there's nothing special for me this year cz it does not makes any difference does it if we celebrate our birthday or not cz we will still aged.

The year is coming to an end in a few days tym... 2009... it's a rough year for me as too many unhappiness occur this year for me. Lots of dispute happen this year itself for me may it be work, family, friend or personal. It's totally a rough year for me to handle but i do really hope that 2010 will be much better year for me but than i shall not hope too much cz i don't know what's there in store for me next year. The only thing that i can do nw is to pray had that the table will turn around for me..... " God bless me "

hmm it's been two years nw.... . Two years back than was so sweet and the portrait
is still fresh and flashing in my mind.... It's hard to erase and cn nvr be erased.... but time has change ppl circumstances and surroundings change and i've got to accept changes it's hard but thats a reality...... "U will always be on top of everything else"

Well peeps that all for my entry for now. Will be back again..... " Cheers"

2009-12-11T14:42:00.002+08:00

No more words are coming from me.... i shall stay and be silence cz that will do everything good. Nw that i've nothing to hang on.... Everything is long gone..... This is how my story has and shall end......

2009-12-06T19:20:00.003+08:00

Things change without we realising it and at time when we realise the changes it's either too late or opportunity is not being given.... So what should we do? run? hide? lay low? keep in silence? or jz go with the flow?

I do seriously miss those days.... The laughter we had the silly topics we talk about, and miss everything about u.... Cz now everything is different and has change... I wouldn't wanna hope too much cz i can't bear the pain anymore.... I'm drowning myself in alcohol every single day ever since i came back cz that's all i have nw......

Tired, just too tired.....

2009-11-29T22:38:00.002+08:00

Life is tough huh..... Been through so much all these years yet i'm still not strong. I thought i was but i'm not after all..... What should i do now? lay back or to jz continue as it is... haiz.... Feeling tired and it's just too taxing.....

Wait for miricle? or am i was jz dreaming my way true....... Been drowning myself without me realizing it.... Fate.... maybe it's fate and i've got to accept it.... and that it's a reality.....

2009-11-28T06:24:00.003+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last Goodbye

2009-11-22T07:51:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's tru huh " what goes around turns around..... "
You'll never know this maybe my last goodbye.... I've may made a mistake and all of us make a make.... i've done my very best.... i'm a human and i hv my boundaries and i've my limits that i can do.... i'm at my wit ends..... if i'm sinful pls do forgive me......

I'll be gone......

2009-11-17T03:38:00.003+08:00

Haiz... i'm going thru an emotional roller coaster ride at this moment and there's a dark cloud hanging over me. Just cldn't focus on anything else... My mind is in a swirl not even knowing what am i thinking or doing...Things are hard than i had ever imagined. Just cldn't undastand why all of this is happening????? Is this a test for me or reality is at a such that this is what is in stored for me.... Maybe that longer i stand strong the more i have to face huh....

Oh god pls do give me the strength, faith and ur guidence to me so that i cld face the darkess moment that i'm going thru rite nw... I've seems to hv lost it and i've really got no more strength to carry on... Pls don't take that away from me

Day 4 in Bangkok

2009-11-08T17:56:00.002+08:00

I woke up extra early today due to a very bad cough......So i've got nothing in mind, i headed to the gym to do a couple of routines, hoping that i'm able to sweat of my fever away... it does help for a couple of hrs only then my frver shoot up again.... :(
Hmmm had nvr ever been sick b4 when i having my holiday but this is the first time i'm encountering it and it feels horrrible.....

Well yesterday i went to the weekend market to look around, i did not stay for long cz my body felt uneasy as it was overcrowded so i left the place early and headed bk to my hotel...
I spent the entire evening in the room lazying ard. I had a few bottles of boost before going to my dreamland.... opps actually i did not go to dreamland cz i nvr dreamt of anything yesday...

Today i went to the weekend market again to shop foe some stuff, had my lunch there and guess what i was so obsessed with the surrounding till i did not realise that i'm walking in circle over & over again. The only time i realise is when i walk pass by a mini provision shop which sell thai local products including their very own salted fish, salted squid and etc..... (DAN SKNG NI BAU IKAN MASIN MELEKAT KT AKU......SIAL)

Hmmm meyesal aku jln kt situ.... anyway nw i'm at my hotel nw updating my blog... me gonna go up to my room after this, take a nice warm shower, get ready n go out for dinner den going to club to party and gonna make myself drunk tonight... :D

Ok peeep, thats all for today.. oh ya one more thing pls 10 to all my friends,buddies and whoever reading my blog pls do me a favour by not forgetting to feed my little fish on your right hand side ok. All u ppl hv to do is dbl click ur leftside of your mouse and the fish food will appear..... :)

Thanks a million thanks... * CHEERS EVERYONE *

Day 2 in BKK

2009-11-06T19:03:00.003+08:00

Hey hey hey...... what's up peeps !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well i'm nw in bangkok its my day two here and guess what i'm sick lyk shit today.... :(
I did not went out to anywhere today except to the family mart to get some groceries and to the drug store to get some medications. I really hope after a whole day of rest that i had today, i 'll be more vibrant tmrw...

Hmm i've started to missed home and the most important of all is my loved ones... well i still hv a long way to go dwn here and my journey hasn't end... well looking ard the streets in bangkok make me realise that how lucky and fortunate i am bk in singapore. Along the streets, there's full of beggers sitting around hoping that the patrons will throw them a few bahts.... The most saddens things for me is that there are toddlers begging around too... Haiz...

Sesungguhnya aku bersyukur padamu ya illahi kerana kau telah jadi kn hidupku sempurna dan kau telah memberikan aku kenikmataan mu di dunia ini... Amin2 ya rabbal a'lamin....

Orites i gtg nw, will update in a few days tym... * Cheers *

Day 1 in Bangkok

2009-11-06T01:41:00.001+08:00

2009-10-28T12:16:00.003+08:00

I woke up only to realize that its pouring heavily outside... Hmm the sky is having a bad day, how nice if i could go back to sleep wiv this kind of weather but too bad got to go to work in 2 hrs time... I had a blast day yesterday coz it has been a long time since i did all those stuff :) hmm got to do that more often.... work hard and play hard : p

I drop by to visit him yesterday and to watch him lying down helplessly, my heart sunk deep inside...
How long can he hang on? is he strong enough to pull through the most critical part of his life? If i could change circumstances around i would rather be me whose lying down instead of him as i've got nothing more to hang on onto this world but not him... His journey has jz begun, he has yet to explore the meaning of life... ( May Allah be more merciful towards u....) Amin....

2009-10-25T05:48:00.002+08:00

Hey peeps..... I'm back. Well i've gt nothing much to share except for i'm
having a fever which is sucks big tym eeerrrkkkk !!!!!!!!!! and 11 more days i'm leaving....

Hahaha k nid to tk medication nw and off too my lala land.....
( CHEERS !!!!!!!! )

2009-10-21T15:47:00.002+08:00

Yo haaa!!!!! shit today i've got lots of things to do.... got new staff to train got to finish up my paperwerk
Haiz.... got to complete everything b4 i leave erkkk.... everyday doing the same
old shit... :(

Well...i've got to be real smart this tym round.... just chill and relax and everything
gonna be just fine.... i've got to tk one step at a tym... hmm that's the best thing to do for nw... :)

K got to tk a a bath nw and off to weeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkk.............. * cheers *

2009-10-19T15:41:00.002+08:00

Nothing much to share or say... still the same shit happens evey single day...
Will never be able to explain what's is in me... Ppl may
sees that i'm doing fine but i'm rocking in me...haiz.....

Oh ya to all the peeps out there i'll be leaving exactly in 17 days tym,
so i wld lyk to extend my apologies to all of u out there, if my words, or prensences or anything that i have
done hurt you ppl... Family, friends,colleague and my loved ones.... u all are so dear to me and had
play a big role in my life... I'm not what i am without u guys supporting me. A token of appreciation
sincerely from me to all of u.... :)

2009-10-18T05:16:00.000+08:00

I'm tripping and falling apart... stumbling down frm my own world... I may shine on others but i can't even shine on myself. I still remember those days when i fall apart i were able to stand back again on my own but nw...... Maybe i'm no longer used to be me huh. Funny isn't it???? Or is it maybe i fall too often till i can't revive anymore....

I'm aware that my journey hasn't end but i've gt no more strength in me to carry on cz i'm tired,tired,tired and very2 tired..................

2009-10-17T15:16:00.002+08:00

Tired, tired, tired and very2 tired

2009-10-15T15:17:00.003+08:00

I thought dreams are meant to come true but dream are just meant to be
dream after all. They don't turn out as reality i guess.....
Same goes for fairytale stories, in their stories the ending will usually be
" live happily ever after" but in reality it's one in a million....

Our lives is just like the ocean, there are times we're on the high tide
and at times we are at the low tide.... We feel overjoy when we attained something or gain
but we are at our downfall when were being hurt, when problems haunt us down,when we
lost our loved ones or when we dot not attained what we wish for......

Life is put at a such that no one will encounter the real meaning of life.... People always
says that " live our live to the fullest" but are the real meaningof the phrase and are we really doing it? People also
says that " we need to love ourself before we love others" but how well
do we know our identity? at times we can't even identify our identity let alone to love
ourself.... We think that we know who are we but deep inside actually we don't....

We either go against the reality of life or we live in a self denial.... That is what usually human does... They try to escape from reality that is in store for them and they won't hesitate to make decisions that they think is right? Do we really know what is right and wrong? At time whatever we think or feel may be right but it usually the other way round... That's where our regrets will come upon us....

Have we ever try to reflect the things that has been happening to us? As we look into the mirror, we saw the reflection of ourself and we want to look perfect from head to toe but as it come across to our mind that we are not perfect after all even when it comes to our appreance...
Just like me i THOUGHT i was perfect but than i realise my left hand is longer than my left hand..... Same goes for our lives, our personality , our family our love live, our carrer and so many other thing..... We don't preach what we teach or say coz we're humans and humans are bound to make mistakes again and again.....

The only perfect thing that could happen to us is ..............................
As for me myself i don't belong to any of the things i've mentioned above coz i'm still naive to this world ,i'm a newbie to this world.... I'm still searching ............................
To all the peeps out there u've got to start searching too cz if u dun everything will bypass us without we realizing it..... Chances, opportunity is one in a million... they dun cum to stay and wait they are like time which will cum and go....

The sky is full of vibrant with the stars glittering and shimering at nite, the moon shine to its fullest and in the day the sun powered its ray with full of hope to lighten our darkess days of lives and at times the sky is filled with sorrows whereby they teared and their tears showered on us......

Well gtg nw, i'll be back soon to share * STORIES OF REALITY * soon..... " Cheers"

2009-10-13T16:20:00.002+08:00

There cums a tym in your life when u must decide between what u feel and what u know. U must choose between * to love or to be loved *.Sometimes to love will hide the truth from your heart but being loved will nvr hide from your soul. The bond between your heart and your mind is the strongest and u will try and overpower the other at all times. But neither one alone, or together, can control your soul for they do not possess the ability, nor the strength. Only your soul can guide u, and when the time does come for u to make a decision, u must be prepared for an inner conflict between your heart and your mind so painful it can only be overcome by the strength your soul can provide. This is when u force yourself to realize that your heart and your mind are the only links to your soul; they are being controlled by your soul and can act as one when you allow your soul to guide u.....

" Dun run away from me cz if you run, i will run together wiv you even if it's gonna be a thousand miles ......"

ok peeps i'm tired that's all folks....

2009-10-11T19:39:00.002+08:00

I knew that u will be reading my blog although u may not be here but u will follow up on this... how else cn i express myself? i've knew u for 10 long yrs.... i know you even more than i know myself, i know what u're thinking, your reactions n i could read your tots... but what is the outcome has become? the word "sorry" can be easily said but it can't mend the heart.... yup we thru ups n dwn when we are together, we share the pain, joy and laughter and we even build the foundation n bridge of a relationship together but the all that we have built back than has long gone...

U've asked me what do i want and i've said it.... but it seems that u think i've get over it... but i have not... the pain is still there and it will remain... i bury my feeling of hurtness in me all this while but u think i've gotten on n over wiv... i'm just pretending it... at tyms i question myself of all ppl y mz it be u who do this to me? why why why? i don't have the answer wiv me...

The song " Heartless" that is grooving on my blog is meant for u.... Hear and analys the lyrics and u will undastand.... After a long 10 yrs, only nw u're being " heartless"....

Still Hanging On

2009-10-11T10:22:00.003+08:00

Morning ppls... :)

How's everyone? well for me i went through a roller coaster ride of emotion today... Haiz... try to understand and give in to people around me but people always misunderstood. Are really humans lyk that? well maybe i'm one of them too...
But as far as i'm concern and believe is that whatever humans do or say, usually are sincere from their heart... At tyms we tend to hide our feelings and at tyms we express them but what is the outcome gonna be? Every single things we do or say or decide, there gonna be risk that we have to take " Face The Music "

Oh ya i change my blog skin again but still under construction.I've not fully edit it yet hopefully my new blogskin will be completed by today so to all my friends out there, my apologies if i've not added your blog links yet... :(

" A thousand fair suitors all stab at your heart
Those poets of movement and jockeys of art
The high-volume vendors who hustle romance
Splashing their canvas with color and dance

The blasters of trumpets, gold banners unfurled
They offer lush gardens in glistening worlds
Yes, bearers of torches and carvers of stone
Who whisper their sonnets and surrender their thrones

And there in your doorway, no shadow is cast
No lingering voices, no ghosts from the past
Just a cluster of walls, and a window of pain
Collecting the heartache like droplets of rain

Still I stand before you, with palms to the sky
No gold in my pocket, no thorn in my side
And all I can offer, where words have no place
Is a body that trembles, and this love that awaits "

SURPRISE !!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-09T08:12:00.002+08:00

Hey hey hey.... Morning peeps!!!!!!!

Hey i'm back... well today had a rough day at work :( as well as some personal stuff erk !!!! Hmm... what can i say? no more words or sentence could change the situation. Am i really CONFUSED? Well i know what i want and what i think... Lots of unexpected things happened lately and its really beyond my expectation... What or How are the correct ways should i handle it???

Why must u run away from me? why must u live in a self-denial? why don't you fight for your happiness? why u don't let yourself to be loved by me? why don't you allow me to give you the happiness? why must you have the fear time and again? why can't you open up heart for me? why u go against your intuition? why? why? why? am i not worthy for u or your love?

I will not take another risk of losing you.... You're the PRINCESS to my castle

dreaming of u again

2009-10-07T13:30:00.002+08:00

hey afternoon.... :) here I am sitting
at my fav part of my home in the kitchen sipping away my hot coffee n puffing away
my ciggis.... it's a standard routine of mine wen I wake up... Usually wen I
wake up I would check my phone for * her * messages but than I've stop doing that 12 days ago cz I know there's nothing that I cld look forward to....hmmm my beloved sis still soundly asleep lyk a gummy bear...:) I felt guilty cz for a few nights I've been sleeping early compared to her and there she stood awake jz to watch me sleep n stoke my hair... she's very sweet... " Wa no matter wat u says about me nothing cn change my love for u.... I may not say nor show it but I hope u're able to feel it" well i'm dwn wiv fever n flu :( errrkkk it sux big tym..... Hmmm I dream't of * her * yesterday... I've been dreaming abt * her *very often lately.... hmmm maybe I miss* her* so much... Anyway it's has been a long tym since I saw * her * . I miss the smile on * her * face, miss* her * voice n* her * laughter.... miss everything about her :( She may not undastand hw I felt toward * her * maybe one fine day she will undastand.... Whatever it is my feelings will remain n nvr change........ I'm going crazy over * her *cz eveything that I do, my mind n tots are always on * her * n whenever I go I'll always bring * her * together wiv me cz I bury * her * deep dwn inside my heart.... ok my gummy is awake I've
gt to fix breakfast for her.... Ciao.... :)

2009-10-05T22:39:00.002+08:00

hola everyone..... how's lyf eveyone? well I've gt
nothing much to share except for that I'm leaving soon... well that's about it for nw see ya soon.... "cheers"

2009-10-03T05:27:00.002+08:00

Every sunrise is a present,
A gift from God above,
Gift-wrapped with scarlet ribbons,
Tied with bows of love.

Each day's a new beginning,
A time to start anew,
While all the stars are sleeping,
The rose is fresh with dew.

Each day's a new creation,
Too lovely to ignore,
We may find a blessing,
Just outside our door.

We cannot keep the past,
Like fireflies in a jar;
Nor journey to the future,
By wishing on a star.

Every sunrise is a blessing,
A gift for just today,
Rejoice my friend,
Embrace it before it fades away!

2009-10-02T17:21:00.003+08:00

Hi peeps... I'm in a cab nw going to werk. Know sumthing? Sumthing came across my mind while I was staring at the sky... so I wanna share this tot of mine wiv fren's, family my love ones n ppl ard my surrounding. well everyone has problems and everyone go thru it... problems will always haunt us dwn without we realise it bt r we strong enuf to face them???? it maybe love, family,werk and so many other problems but hw r we gonna face n solve it? Well for me, back than I tried to run away tried to hide tried to ignore but there's nothing I acheive out of it... I run and run and run without any destinations leaving and hurting ppl ard me... I tot by running the problems will vanish but than the more I run the more problems haunt me... I'm being haunted by own problems so I think y shld I let it happen? I shld not let problems dominates me it's shld be vice versa... it hurts n hard to face it bt if we don't face it who will face our problems for us. saying is easy than to do it but we've gt to try... To those who are still running or plan to run think twice cz by running u'll be hurting urself n ppl ard u who care, who love us cz without them we r not what we r nw... they r e ones who we look for or turn to wen we r dwn so start appreciate them b4 they r long gone.... haiz I've been typing for so long n my fingers r tired so I'll stop here. " stop running and start looking for refuge"

2009-10-01T14:44:00.002+08:00

hhaaallllloooo.....

yup i'm back again :) wanna know sumthing yesterday i discover that i had a pimple growing at the back of my head arrgghhh & ouch... that is sux big tym...
screw wiv the pimple...

well i haven had a wink since i came back from werk tis morning and now it's tym for me to go to werk again.. :(

hmm 6 days have passes by n it's still silence... haiz... will wait patiently....

tots at werk

2009-09-29T18:45:00.004+08:00

Hi there, i'm feeling bored n i'm having my break right now so jz log in and to blog... :)

Today i woke up with a pain in the chest... "ouch". It's getting more frequent n painful as each day passes by....Hopefully it will go away one day...
Hmmm yesday... my beloved sister wa stayed over at my place. We had a each other for companion n it was fun... "wa although i may nt sae nor show my love bt i do really hope that u are able to feel it"... :)

Hmm i dreamt of * Her * yesterday... :) it was unexpected but than she'd there in my dreams...i think i'm missing her very badly... Things change in a split sec which i'm not even prepare to go thru it... arrrggghhh it's sucks to hv tis kind of feeling. will circumstances change or will there be a tommorrow for me? no amounts or words nor phrases cld i express to * Her * I wld lyk to be * Her * sun that shines n colour her lyf, but will i ever get the chance? haiz.... i want * Her * to know that she deserve to be loved... i've no fear in heartbreaks bt i do hv fear if i dun try.... Maybe that's the way of lyf n how it meant to be.... hope that one day miracle will befall on me... :)

" believe it or not u're part of me "

P/s : aku da mkn tapi lapar lagi... siak aku da mcm babi....

Now, tomorrow or never !!!!!!!!!

2009-09-28T19:02:00.001+08:00

feeling tired for the past few days due to the F1 and one more day to go thru… “bluek” =(

” I am here because there is no refuge, i’m running until i saw myself in the eyes and hearts of others….Dwarfs of fears piling is up against reality… hiding against the truth makes my world tumble n down… if things were to go against the odds will i ever survive the ordeal? the shimering light that i had is jz a dream in a fairytale land…. in u i take root n grow, not alone anymore as in death but alive to myself and to others…..”

p/s: harap2 tasha dtg niari jadi aku le kacau2 die “kwang3”